Holidaying urban folk are going into raptures
Then they're telling me they like the shitty greener pastures
Then they wonder why this rubbish leaves me slightly muted
But something I could always say is that they're all deluded
IS THERE SOMEWHERE I CAN GO AND HIDE?
HOW I LONG TO ESCAPE FROM THE F**KING COUNTRYSIDE!
Maureen's gone away for some spiritual healing
She's an outpatient, I know how she must be feeling
Then they told the husband, and he's gone really mad
And he's only got one eye, and his brother is his Dad!
IS THERE SOMEWHERE I CAN GO AND HIDE?
HOW I LONG TO ESCAPE FROM THE F**KING COUNTRYSIDE!
Janet's moving out to an inner-city ghetto
At least she'll be going near a local branch of Netto
She said there was a problem, I know what she really meant
For it's a small town, and her brother might be bent
IS THERE SOMEWHERE I CAN GO AND HIDE?
HOW I LONG TO ESCAPE FROM THE F**KING COUNTRYSIDE!
The gamekeeper's got himself a secret stash of pheasant
If you're asking me he's remarkably unpleasant
He's a true eccentric, of that there is no doubt
With his hand down his trousers, and he's tickling a trout!
IS THERE SOMEWHERE I CAN GO AND HIDE?
HOW I LONG TO ESCAPE FROM THE F**KING COUNTRYSIDE!
Some people had a meeting on the moors in a field
Exactly what happened may never be revealed
I reckon it was some kind of superstitious rite
And when I saw the vicar's daughter, she was head-to-toe in shite!
( And when I saw the vicar's daughter, she was head-to-toe in shite! )
IS THERE SOMEWHERE I CAN GO AND HIDE?
HOW I LONG TO ESCAPE FROM THE F**KING COUNTRYSIDE!
copyright Phil Atherton 2008