1. Tell us about your punk life so far - where did it all begin, best and worst bands seen, best CD's etc.

I got into punk around 1977 when music had gone stale. The band that got me into punk was The Stranglers and even though they had just jumped on the punk bandwagon it got me exploring other bands. I started listening regularly to John Peel and that was the initiating factor in my big interest in new and lesser known bands.

2. What are you main gripes and joys about the present scene - please feel free to name and shame various individuals.

My main gripes are the poor turn-outs at gigs played by lesser known bands and tossers like Daz Russell (Wasted/Rebellion) who says he has done a lot for punk when it’s punk that has done a lot for him.
The main joys are people like you who put so much work into punk at grass roots level.

3. Tell us about your local scene- the faces, gaffs, and individuals who make it what it is?

I live in Ashton and it used to have a pretty good scene but now it’s virtually dead. The Witchwood always used to have regular punk gigs on but now it’s all tribute bands. The only place to put gigs on in Ashton now is The Station Pub or The Guzzlin’ Goose. Great if you like 3CR but obviously I’m not a fan. Most of the local gigs I go to are at the Thatched House in Stockport but I’ll travel anywhere within reason to see a good gig.

4. Paul 'The Crack' Gilbraith - Most Likely To Fails gay and drugged up frontman once confessed to eating several Pakistani newsagents just for the sake of satiating his satanic desires. I have never had the pleasure of eating a newsagent but once burned a greengrocer. What tradesman would you like to partake of and would you travel the world on a lemon for the Jimmy Tarbuck Rectal Love Charity?

I did once partially eat a Peruvian lavatory attendant but he was over-cooked and the choice of vegetables didn’t compliment him.
As for Jimmy Tarbuck’s Rectal Love Charity, I am a non-paid patron of the said charity and I support anything that supports anal wellbeing.

5. Tell us about your recent CD and the fascination with turds and proper decent punk rock?

I think the turd on the cover looks great, I’d even go as far to say edible. As for the bands on the CD they show just how strong in depth the scene is at grass roots level.

6. Describe yourself in 5 degrading words - piss-pot is not acceptable as everyone knows this side of your character?

Drunk, unconscious, inebriated, ballooned, porn-baron.


7. Having put several gigs on in the past why have decided to do no more?

To be brutally honest since The Partisans gig I put on at the Witchwood in 2006, a gig where I lost a shitload of money, I just thought it wasn’t worth all the hassle when nothing is guaranteed. Breaking even is ok but I can’t afford to take the risk of losing money I just can’t afford.
I might do something in the future but it will be strictly limited to lesser known bands. Maybe even a joint promotion with your goodself.

8. Bronze Brother Big Daz (as in short for Darren and not related to the washing powder although his second name is Automatic)once tried to drink an Acdo/Lux Flakes cocktail in order to get ballooned. His desperation to get caned resulted in a seven week hospital stay and the embarrassmnet of passing bubbles from his posterior whenever he broke wind. Since this escapade myself and Big Daz went on a Persil bender and snorted two boxes of the washing powder. We had a great time. What is your favourite cleansing agent on which to get bombed and would you bum ex-darts hero Leighton Rees for 6 turtle eggs?

My favourite cleansing agent has to be Domestos. Bear in mind it must be diluted in equal parts with water. Not sure about Leighton, maybe if he lost some weight the fat Welsh bastard.


9. What would be your most ideal gig to promote - venue, bands and door fee?

My ideal gig to promote would be another charity gig at The Witchwood in Ashton. It would be an all dayer with 9 lesser known bands playing and my own band headlining. I would only charge a fiver on the door.

10. Heroes and zeroes in life and music?

I don’t have heroes as such but I do admire people who strive against adversity.  Stephen Hawking is a good example.
Biggest zeroes for me are people like Heather Mills and Jordan and Peter Andre.

11. Tell us your personal punk rock mission statement?

The music’s there just go and find it.

12. At the weekend I sometimes dress up as Nicholas Parsons and go out and beat up homosexual cyclists. I always leave a 'Sale of the Century' calling card in the crack of their arses before fleeing the scene. I don't want to do this but Anglian TV have blackmailed me in to it. Do you dress up as a TV star to relieve tension and would you marry Rod Hull as part of the Nasa Space Program?

I find dressing up as John Merrick (The Elephant Man) relieves tension but it takes over 20 hours to get the make-up right. As for marrying Rod Hull I couldn’t marry him because I’m already married to snooker player Tony Drago.

 

 

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