Noz of



1.  Give us a brief history of your musical career so far and tell us about your current project RBH.  Also if you can add any walnut based anecdotes I am sure people would be happy to read them - I know I would!

 I started in a punk band called Disaster Zone then spent 6 yrs in One Man Stand. RBH are the masters of wank metal and we hate walnuts.
2.  Where are the best and worst venues you have played and do they sell walnuts?

  The best have been Stockport The Thatched House, Blackburn The Charles Napier (set smoke alarms off). The worst would have to be Bradford Exchange (death threats). I'm not sure if any of these venues sell walnuts as I only order cider.
3.  Tell us about the thinking behind RBH and list any convictions the band may have that are not yet revealed.  Also is Robs middle name really 'walnut'?

  RBH's main influences are Stormtroopers of Death, Macc Lads, punk 'n' thrash music. We have never considered ourselves to be serious that's why we started to be the masters of wank metal, our stuff is tongue in cheek, some serious bands don't get it (fuck em) have a laugh with us and at us. Convictions-Wychfinder is a sexual deviant, I've been done for drunk 'n' disorderly, Arsey doesn't have time to get in trouble as he's too busy wearing his right hahd out, Pinto's only crime is looking like an emo and trying to play like Travis Barker from Blink 182.
4.  Jan the man with a ban on anything healthy (OMS drummer) has recently held an anti BNP meeting that has caused a real fuss.  Let me elaborate!  In his wisdom Jan is quite nobly trying to stamp out racism and put all his might into this rewarding cause - but we have a problem.  At the last meeting he failed to invite anyone from the walnut fraternity and so excluded some great nut-based minds of the 21st century.  His excuse is that he believes walnuts to be racist and that he will not tolerate the persecution of what he calls 'Brazil Boys'.  Ok some of my best friends may be walnuts and some may be indeed racist but hey you gotta love these guys with their tough exteriors and quite nutty insides.  Anyway the question is - do you like oranges?

Not really
5.  The best and worst of your CD collection please (reveal all) and do you think Soft Cells Marc Almond would have been better named Marc Walnut?

  I have so many best ones depending what mood I'm in. At the moment its gotta be Wonk Unit (Flying the Japanese Flag) and RBH (Lord of the Wrist ep) obviously the worst have gotta be punk rock karaoke(thanx Shaun 3cr)or Crashed Out (think they are boring) give me Upstarts any day. I think Marc Almond would be better named Marc cashew, cashew, cashew(bless you).
6.  Describe your fellow band members in 5 degrading words apiece one of which must rhyme with walnut.

Wychfinder-seventies porn star,vocals tache/Arsey-frank gallagher,axe wankery,ginger/Pinto-emo, foreskins of doom,pot noodle/Noz-big fat gut,baldy nut,bass
7.   Walter Alnut sometimes gets called Walnut as a bit of fun.  Why do you think this is and tell us about your highest and lowest point in music so far!

  The highest point would have to be finally doing a cd after 5 yrs(we lost the original 14 songs we recorded) the lowest point is trying to get them to do a practice as I can never find them.
8. Imagine you are on Family Fortunes and I am the compere.  Out of a survey asking 100 people can you tell me what was the most common nickname given to a nipple - top 5 answers please and yes 'Walnut' is one of them?

  OMD, Jan, Banjo, Boggi, Walnut
9.  'Curried cock and walnut gravy is the only way to achieve a full hard on' so sayeth Eric Genital of Belsen St.  Who am I to argue but besides war porn and teflon women what are the other ways to create a firm phallus!

  Chips 'n' gravy 'n' cod in batter and cider
10.  Complete these famous lyrics by backstreet entertainer Lucinda Loose Labia - 'Show me the way to blow dome, I'm tired and I want to give you head, I pushed a walnut up me arse about and hour ago and....'.

  I'm going back to bed

11.  So you are in a band who are the masters of wank metal - this is insane.  I masturbated a lump of steel for hours and achieved nothing - I even used a walnut based lube!  What is your secret?

Cunt flavoured lollipops
12.  Finally push the RBH cause right up the rectum of retro rockers and raucous rhythm rebels and tell us why we should come and pay homage to the rubbers of the ridge - mention walnuts for 5 bonus points.

  Because we are the masters of wank metal, our fans are known as wankrats and we will rock your face off then we will kill you all,etc.