1. The Shadowcops have left my jaw hanging on the floor many a time and I really do believe this is one truly awesome outfit. Tells us a bit about the story so far and where you want to be in five years time!

The Shadowcop story pre-dates my personal one. I joined the band around October 2006 on moving home from University in Leeds. I’d known Mackle vaguely through mutual friends and I first met Nathan at a wedding in Ireland where apparently he thought I was a proper prick cos I was pissed for the whole weekend ha, ha! It just so happened that around the time I came back to Manchester the old guitarist, another Mike, had left to become an accountant and so after hearing on the ol’ grapevine I kinda knew my way round a fretboard I was invited to a practice and the rest, as they say, is history. In five years time I suppose I’d like to be in a position that we’re well known enough to not have to beg people to come to gigs, but have a following in every town and city so we can share the Shadowcop noise wherever we go!!
 
2. Describe your fellow band members in 4 degrading words apiece one of which must be genital related!

Nathan: Sweaty throbbing bollock bag
Mackle: Big dopey cunt slice
Mike Avery: Pube between your teeth
 
3. You are obviously a 'thinking' man's band and have some well thought out songs. Tell us were you draw your influences from and pick 5 random songs and tell us what they are about!

It’s Nathan who pretty much exclusively writes the lyrics, but I’ll have a go…
Los Olvidados: 1950’s Mexican film about a group of destitute street urchins in Mexico City
Nasty Little Bureaucrat: Based on the character Polonius from Hamlet
Vehement Subterfuge: Based on the character Patrick Bateman from Brett Easton Ellis’ “American Psycho”
Calling Out the Elders: The local music scene and the certain number of twats who inhabit it.
Folie a Deux: A psychiatric syndrome which is transmitted from one to another where they begin to share the same symptoms (literally “a madness shared by two”)
 
4. Peanut prick football involves expelling air through your oriental eye in order to wind assist a peanut towards your opponents goal (which for some inane reason is shaped like a wallabies anus). It is a bit like blow football but strictly no sexual blowing. Imagine you have made it through to the inter-anal cup final and are up against cup holder Rubber Dong McSpoon. What tactics are you going to use to win the match! References to Shakespeare will be deleted!

Obviously training long and hard in the weeks prior to the tournament would be necessary. First step then would endurance training with the leanest, meanest hookers in the game to build stamina and strength in the ol’ love muscle. Then I suppose I’d have to work on the on-field tactics. I’ve heard this McSpoon character is a bit of a dab hand with his cock so I’m gonna have to outsmart him. He likes to play down the wings so my main tactic would be to try and force him to play through the middle. I tend to play a more of a counter attacking peanut-prick game, so I’d have to soak the pressure for a while then hit him on the break. If all else failed I’d just have to cheat and bribe one of the local Eccles grotbags I know to seduce him the night before - he’d have to retire injured then with gonorrhoea.
 
5. Best Shadowcops song - who penned it and what makes it so special!

I personally like “Putsch” quite a lot at the minute. The bare bones were pretty much written in about half an hour at practice by myself and Avery one night when Nat had called in sick. We played it the next week for him… he fuckin’ loved it and wrote some lyrics. My favourite song changes from week to week though, so next week it will be something else. I like this one cos it’s essentially a pretty simple song that we messed about with over the following few weeks and now sounds a lot more elaborate and thought out than we first imagined. Also it’s got a bit of a beat down in it and approximately 17 uses of the work ‘fuck’ haha!
 
6. The good, the bad and the ugly about your local scene. And also is Mikey Wong really cross-breeding nails?

The last I heard Mikey Wong had given up on his nail breeding fetish after a bad experience saw him blend a 4' roundhead with a 1 1/2' oval which resulted in the harrowing birth of a 3 metre long panel pin. He now lives just outside Birkenhead, where he's still hooked on grief, but is occasionally day-released to partake in a spot of his second loves of Medieval role-play and uni-cycling.
Come to think of it though, Mikey Wong is probably one of the best things about the Manchester scene... off the top of his head he can tell you exactly what gigs are happening every day of the week for about 6 months in advance... it's truly quite extraordinary!
There are good and bad aspects of every local scene throughout the country though. One of the most promising aspects to come out of the Manchester scene of late, I would say, would the expansion of the TNS project from a monthly clubnight to a full-blown independant record label. These boys are doing a really good thing at the minute and the compilation which comes out this week looks very tasty indeed. It helps build somewhat of a community which in turn helps bands, promoters and people who want to actually get out there and hear new music.
Having said this it also helps highlight some of the bad points, one of which is the general fucking apathy that exists in most when it comes to new music. People are far too ready to have things pre-packaged and put in front of them by marketing and media people rather than actually make the effort to form an opinion for themselves. This is my one main gripe about the listening public in general, and the worst thing about it is that it spans all genres - including punk rock!!
There are also too many lazy promoters in Manchester, I could name names but I’m sure everyone knows the types I’m talking about anyway… always ready to rip off kids to make a bit of cash for themselves. There’s also a lot of fucking tripe that gets unnecessary attention, but I’m not sure I can afford the legal costs if I start slandering now.
 
7. Best bands you have played with and best venues you have played and we might as well - best gigs too!

We always really enjoy playing with our local mates, such as ROTPM, The Fractions, Dangerous Aces etc cos they’re always such great gigs, good bands and a good laugh. From further afield I’d have to cite my personal favourites as probably, The Hip Priests from Nottingham/Lincs, The Longshots from Leeds, and I really like The Dangerfields (from Ireland) who we played with at The Thatched a while back! Venues can be good or bad for different reasons… I really liked The Ruby Lounge cos of the sound there but then again the atmosphere is somewhat lacking - on the other hand you’ve got The Castle which is top for atmosphere but, let’s face it, is a shithole. I like venues where you can get a bit of both, such as Junktion7 in Nottingham where we played a few weeks ago - Manchester needs one of those!! As far as the best gigs we’ve played… I always enjoy the TNS ones and the ones put on by your good self as they’re well promoted and it’s just a bunch of like-minded people there to have a good time to top tunes. I was pleasantly surprised when we played the Night & Day last - one of the indie bands had gotten it in the Evening News as gig of the week so there was a decent crowd there so we put a fuckin’ rocket up everyone’s arse and they loved it ha, ha! Oh yeah, and we once played in Walkabout in Bradford and ended up with Wheatus supporting us - now that was pretty funny!!
 
8. Tells us your personal heroes and zeroes in life and music please?

If the legends are all true (please don’t tell me they’re not!!) then big Freddie’s gotta be one of them - any bloke who runs off stage for a headjob then comes back on for the encore has gotta be worth his salt in my book ha, ha. To be honest though I’ve got loads of respect for anyone who’s been doing it for a long time and still keeps it going today. Although I may be disillusioned by the politics of the Jagger/Richards clique, to be still belting it out for over two hours on stage at their age is something else. More recent musical heroes though… I’ve always been mightily impressed with the guitar work of Chris Cheney of The Living End, and the pure song writing genius of Ginger from the Wildhearts - so I’d have to stick with those two.
As for zeroes I could go on all fucking day but to keep it brief I’d have to say anyone whose profile has been created, promoted or indeed incorporated by this fucking stupid glossy magazine culture in which we live - who exactly gives a shit if Posh Spice has got skid marks, Jordan likes it up the nipsy or Kerry Katona gets her fucking cunt waxed? Oh, and John Motson… what a clueless twat!
 
9. Local punk maniac Mozza was last seen at one of my gigs trying to sell Bruce Forsyth Porn. Apparently, after a brief affair with the compost bin of Larry Grayson, Moz has become obsessed with celebrity filth. Explain Mozza’s current mental state and would you spend six months in Bangladesh dressed as a microphone stand!

I don’t know about a microphone stand, I think I’d look a bit too well fed to fit in - poor buggers! According to Facebook though, me and Mozza lived in a cave in the centre of what is now Chile from 1343 until 1412 - we were taking shelter from the advancing Inca armies. It did funny things to his brain you see and he started fiddling with the local llamas to pass the time. I wasn’t aware he’d moved onto inanimate objects now - the filthy bastard! I can fully understand the Forsyth porn though, he always did have a thing for golf-loving light entertainers with over-sized chins - even in pre-Christian times. I’m just surprised he had the audacity to start flogging it at your gig. Leave it to me… I’ll make sure he’s reprimanded!!
 
10. Tell us about your own personal musical career - when did you first pick up a guitar, any other bands you have been in etc?

The first guitar I played was when my dad got an acoustic as a Christmas present when I was 10 - he never saw it again after boxing day - so I’ve been doing it about 13/14 years now. Previous bands before I went off to uni were bedroom type affairs which never progressed any further than that. When I was away in Leeds I found myself far too busy with a full time degree and a full time job to be doing anything else (apart from putting the odd gig on here and there and writing a bit) so it wasn’t till I got back to Manchester that I could really get into it properly. This is my first real band venture, I suppose, and it’s going pretty well I must add!!
 
11. The next SAS gig will involve the ceremonial smoking of an owl outside and all band members are requested to have a drag. Do you smoke birds - if so do you do it because cruelty arouses you or because you cannot face life without 20 Virginian Blue Tits in yer pocket?

I usually have to make do with 20 Mayfair as the Virginian Blue Tits are somewhat out of my price range. I hope it’s gonna be a Tawny Owl though… they’re the caviar of the smoking world - not those bastard Barn Owls - they’re shit!!
 
12. Lastly push the band mate - I do enough - come on its your turn!

If you like your music hard yet tuneful, fast but melodic, and gritty but with massive choruses then you could do worse than point your ears in the direction of The Shadowcops. With riffs the size of the Empire State Building, melodies that could span Niagara Falls and the odd bollock-busting solo you will not be disappointed! Make sure you check us out on tour this March/April http://www.myspace.com/theshadowcops for details!!

 

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