Back in the mid eighties aged about seventeen, I started a band with some mates in Blackburn called The Rotten Swines, a properly snotty grimy collection of ne'er do wells. We did about 12 gigs; the biggest supporting Peter & The Test Tube Babies at King George's Hall. The last proper gig ended with a full - on riot, punks and metalheads smacking the shit out of each other. All of our dads were there and they waded in (I think they started it), the most violent being the drummer's dad who was a vicar, fantastic. After that I messed about with a couple of other local bands but nothing came of it. My catering job took me away from home sporadically for the next dozen or so years and never being in one place long enough curtailed any real involvement in anything long term. After finally settling down in Darwen I started the first incarnation of MGB with a friend from Rotherham. It was very different from what we are now, more of a songwriting partnership and not very punk. By the time that had fizzled out, I had started getting involved in promoting and writing about the north west music scene with Cheesepress. Andy Foulds (Noizeanoize) suggested I try out for CBGB's influenced covers band The 315s which resulted in about 30 gigs of varying levels of mayhem. At the end of that (end of 2007) I hooked up with Andy from Boredom whom I'd known since we were kids and decided to do our own thing and Mardigras Bombers mk2 was born. It all happened quite quickly and within the space of about four months we had the band you see now. We did our first gig at The Napier, Blackburn just before christmas 2008.

2.   Tell us about Cheesepress if you will and what it entailed and why it expired - any chance of some more cheese ridden wordage?

The Cheesepress was a North West listings and review website dedicated to promoting local bands who weren't getting much of a look in anywhere else. The local newspapers only really pushed visiting 'big' groups and safe 'classic rock' covers bands. It was also a way to get involved again in the local music scene which was just starting to get a bit lively. I knocked it on the head because it simply took up too much time. I spent more time writing than I did watching and listening. I don't imagine there will be any more Cheesy witterings.

3.What's it like being in a band who are, and I quote 'a bunch of cunts'.  Describe each of them in five bizarre but quite accurate words a piece?

Cute Andy (his official title) - Drunk, care in the community.
Ged - Drunk, Crumpet tower, work shy fop.
Travis - Drunk Adge Cutler drumming fool.
Jak - Drunk trolly pushing Lambrini girl.

4.  Travis Mctucky is a deviant.  This no doubt will not shock you but here are three facts that prove the truth 1.   McTucky hires out his scrotal skin as a trampoline for use by disabled apes   2.   McTucky has appeared in court on five seperateoccassion for crimes and lewd acts regarding telephone directories 3.  McTucky does not have a penis - in his quest to become a toy he has had all genitalia removed for that 'Action Man Blank' look.   Right and so to the questions - How many action men could you fit up your jacksie and would the 'eagle eyed' variety give you greater sexual satisfaction - a full detailed answer needed please.  Also would you burn Travis McTucky for a free £5 gift of Green Shield Stamps?

Six Action Men and one Stretch Armstrong. On special occasions (i.e. birthdays, let off with a small fine and a warning, moon landings), eight Action Men, three Stretch Armstrongs, four limes (ripe), a grape (or an olive, whichever lights your candle), and the candle. Shake and strain into a martini glass. Eagle eyes are for beginners. We tried setting fire to Travis for a much reduced offer but he wouldn't ignite, too damp.

5.  Tell us about thy local area - the faces, the disgraces and indeed the places?

Darwen, so good they named it once. A blasted heath, face like a dog's arse with a tin hat on. Darwen gets busy on Wednesdays when the locals descend from the hills to buy banjo strings, get their teeth straightened and just kick back and do some whittling by the cement pond. A bit like Gdansk but without the fun

6.   Heroes and zeroes in life and music fellar?

I've never really had heroes as they tend to let you down eventually but I do think certain people have been touched by genius; Bill Hicks, Spike Milligan, Alfred Wainwright, Vivian Stanshall and William Burroughs in particular, all flawed but producers of genius work, nonetheless.

As for zeroes, where do I start ? Margaret Thatcher and Jeffrey Archer spring instantly to mind. All M.P.s without exception. All fundamentalists, zealots and extremists. Jamie Theakston, Richard Bacon. The aspirational middle classes. Coldplay, Snow Patrol, Keane, Stereophonics (rock music for people scared of rock music, soulless, gutless, ball-less and spineless.). Mick Hucknall.

7.  Gerard Hornby has had his entire skeleton removed and replaced by miniature railway track.  His buttocks are hollowed out and contain a collection of toy steam engines second to none and his penis has been replaced by a 1980 buffet carriage.  His next target is to sleep with all of the male British Rail staff and to have an affair with a signal box.  The question - can one travel in time using a cheap away day ticket and if Ivor the Engine and Noggin the Nog had a punch up - who would win and most importantly why?

Time travel eh ? You could do it with a cheap away day ticket but you'd have to supplement it with a crate of Nuclear Brown Ale and a tab or two of the finest Owsley acid. Don't bother getting a return ticket though because you aren't coming back. Noggin The Nog but only if Thornogson was there to help and an uneasy peace agreement with Nogbad The Bad was in place otherwise Ivor would have it what with Jones the Steam and Dai Station egging him on, they're right dirty bastards.

8.   The best and worst CD's in your collection, the best and worst books you have read and the best and worst bands you have witnessed.

Best CD's: Hunky Dory - David Bowie, Floodland - Sisters of Mercy, London Calling - The Clash, 1st Album - Suicide, Kick Out The Jams - MC5, Piper At The Gates Of Dawn - Pink Floyd (with Syd Barrett before they went shit).

Worst CD's: Best of the Beach Boys.

Best books: Carter Beats The Devil - Glen David Gold, Naked Lunch - William Burroughs, Electric Koolaid Acid Test - Tom Wolfe, Adolf Hitler, My Part In His Downfall - Spike Milligan.

Best bands seen: Nine Inch Nails, Manchester Academy 1995. The Adicts, King George's Hall Blackburn 1985 (i think), Suicide, Brixton Academy 1988. Spear Of Destiny, King George's Hall Blackburn (1986 ?).

Worst bands seen: We did a gig in Bolton last year and the last band on was the biggest pile of pointy shoed indie toss I have ever heard and seen. They went beyond smug and they went on for about an hour and a half, meandering whiney wank, worst of all, the cloth - eared crowd loved them. I think they were called 'Shite' because everyone I asked said 'this lot are Shite', though I could be wrong as someone told me they were fucking crap.

9.   What does punk mean to you and what bands are catching thy eye at the moment?

Explaining what punk means is like trying to describe television to your cat.
Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has got one so here's mine regarding what punk is. Punk is a state of mind, punk is allowing yourself the freedom to question everything and anything without fear of retribution. Punk isn't a uniform, it doesn't have boundaries, there are no rules. Musically it is anything that has stopped me in my tracks and made me listen and more importantly, think; the first Suicide album, Nuggets, Bill Hicks, The Clash, Dub Syndicate, Bob Dylan, MC5, Throbbing Gristle, the list is endless and wholly subjective. There's masses of great bands out there at the moment, all of whom are doing something different and something they believe in, the cruelly overlooked Dragstrip Junkies, Drongos For Europe, The Bays from Blackburn to name a few.

10.  Fruit Flavoured car tyres - the pros and cons - think hard and true - Slim Whitmans life depends on this?

Fuck Slim Whitman, yodelling bastard.

11.  If you had to be likened to any frontman who would it be and what comparison would be the biggest insult?

Jimmy Krankie or Ted Moult. If anyone compared me to that gibbering ginger knobstick Mick Hucknall, blood would be spilt (mine probably).

12.  Finally push the cause of the impressive MGB machine - persuade us to join the army of fans.

We play high speed rock n roll, we will never short change you and will always attempt to entertain. Every gig is a test for us, sometimes we'll fuck it up, other times we'll get it right. We're chuffed and amazed that people seem to like us and to those that don't, that's fine, we'll just try harder.