1. Howdo mate - right give us a lowdown on your personal musical history and how you came to be involved with that bunch of reprobates Citizen Keyne?
 
Alrite Dave, well I started out many many moons ago singing in a band called Metal Mode a sort of 80's punk band and quite frankly we were fucking shit and should have been beaten to death with the very instruments we attempted to play! Then many years later myself and Daz were on our way home from the corporate punk festival in Blackpool after watching very many good bands but equally a lot of total crap and I mentioned to Daz that we could do better than that so an advert in the local paper the 'Citizen' was placed looking for a drummer and a guitarist, Daz then played bass. Well I say played he kind of looked at it around his neck in much the same way that a Chav looks at a job application all confused - anyway the first line up of CK was born. The original guitarist walked out on us 3 songs into a set in London so hopefully he will catch swine flu at some point and the drummer decided he was actually a 60 year old jazz man inside a young mans body and left us to play hippy shit with hippies, so if you reading mate....... peace love and fuck you! We drafted in Tim (the one that looks like a ginger teletubbie) to play bass with Daz moving into his pitbull role he currently fills, Floyd to play guitar and what a signing that was, lastly followed by Matt taking over stick work and its the happiest the band have been for a number of years so Amen to that.   

2. I always feel speaking your mind is good for the stress levels so describe your fellow band members in 5 slanderous yet accurately descriptive words apiece?

Tim - Fat, Ginger, Fat, Ginger, Ginger 

Floyd - Rancid arsed stinking fucking polecat 

Daz - Not that tall midget yob

Matt - Slipper wearing lanky piss streak 

3. I fuckin' love the bands honest and down to earth approach. Is this a conscious style or is it a reflection of the individuals?

We are exactly as you would find us whatever we are doing mate, there is no plan, no style its what we do and who we are. I think I speak for us all when I say we do what we like and we like what we do and if that makes people like us then great, come and have a beer with us, (your round of course we are the fucking stars after all!!) if you don’t like what we do then go fuck yourself and your cotton wool wrapped existence. We are all similar in a lot of ways and truly believe in Citizen Keyne and that plays a major part in the way we come across.

4. Go on - tell us the best and worst of your CD collection plus the first ever record you brought? Honest now!

My favourite CD's change on a regular basis to be honest but currently I am listening to Insane Society and The Black Marias and I don't have the CD but on myspace I am listening to Born to Destruct and Gimp Fist, all bands we have played with and I admire every one of them for the music they play and the people they are.
Worst CD is probably The Darkness fuck knows why I bought it but it was £2 in the record shop over the road from The Thatched House the day we played the SAS gig so actually Dave it's your fucking fault that ! I belieeevveeee in a thing calleeeeedddd loooooveeeee"! 

First record that was bought for me was a Madness record I think. I went through the SKA phase for a little while then swapped my Selector patch on my Harrington for a God Save The Queen one .... 1st record I actually bought with my own pocket money was the 7 inch of Love Song by The Damned from Woolies in Chiswick high street the very same day I had 150 stitches in my face thanks to a cricket bat accident so I remember it well !!!!!!!! 

5. Would you grow daffodils from your oriental eye and let a host of bees make their nest in your scrotal sack for a chance of a romantic weekend away with Ken Dodd? I know many people that would - are you one? Either way tell us about your decision and is it true that you collect fallopian tubes as a hobby?

Yes I would but would grow something much larger and let wilder beasts roam my sack for just one chance of a stanna stair lift hardcore oral session with Thora Hird ... what a bird ..... theres a song title for you ... 'Thora Hird is my Bird'..... Watch this space for that fucking gem !!!!  I do indeed collect fallopian tubes which I find that taken from an average height person you can actually collect just over £6.70 in the new 5p pieces stacked up in a tube ... so much less fuss that a giant whiskey bottle I find.  

6. If Citizen Keyne had a mission state what would it be?

Be true to who you are and stand proud, never grow up, grown ups have no intelligence at all, stop being a kid and you stop being aware you can be 99 and still be a kid!

7. What one song and one album for you encapsualtes the spirit of punk over the last 30 years?

Song - 'Stand Proud' by Citizen Keyne as cocky as that sounds I really do believe it's a song that most punk bands would love to have written apart from that 'Pretty Vacant' by the Pistols - I mean come on what a fucking riff that is !

Album - 'Cant Stand The Rezillos' by The Rezillos - it's just fast, fun and makes you smile exactly what punk was/is supposed to do  

  8. Denz of Ill Fated Riot fame has recently been having an affair with crack astonomer Patrick Moore. He says he his besotted with his large planets and loves to ride on his rocket whilst listening to the 'Star Wars' theme tune? Do you think Denz is having a breakdown and if you had to eat a planet which one would it be and why?

Well I am hurt as that bastard Pat 'The Poke' Moore told me that the only crack he would astronomise was my peach like passage and its 'Blake 7' he loves not 'Star Wars' ...me and Moore are gonna have a bitch fight about this the two timing monicoled bastard. Denz mate he is using us both .... lets meet up and be goth like miserable together ? Well I would eat Mars Planets cause the Tesco extra near my house is doing 3 bags for a £1 now thats a credit crunch buster if ever there was one .... but don't tell Tim the fat bastard or he will be down there like shot !  

9. Tell us about your local scene - the good, the wankers, the bands?

[Clarke, John]

What local scene!!????? There is no scene in Milton Keynes its full of DJ Clubs, wine bars and the odd venue that are so clique its an embarrassment, unless you are 'their mates' you won't get a look in for a gig and to all the promoters like that and you know who you are, we don't want to be your fucking friends so keep your gigs and jog on. Far too many wankers to name Dave but I will put the MK Dons at the top of that list the community wrecking football club raping bastards.

There are a few bands around the MK and surrounding area that try hard like we do to create a scene, bands like The Tendons, Graveline and Dun2Def but we all seem far more popular up north than in our home towns.

Hats off to Bedford Esquires and Sawyers in Kettering as they at least try and keep the live music scene alive. 

10. Why punk - why not ska, metal, reggae - why is this scene and way of thinking so important to you?

SKA was ok but became very commercial very quickly and was accepted by the 'grown ups'.  I think the new breed of SKA coming up now is far better but its not for me on terms of a band direction. Metal and punk have a lot in common anyway and I think there are a lot of influences from each other in the music, but I didn't want long hair and bollock munching jeans and trust me I look like a bag of fuck in lycra leggings. Reggae is again an influence on a lot of punk music SLF for example carry a lot of reggae riffs in their tracks.

Punk and Oi is my bag, simply because its honest and raw and plus I get to shout Bollocks and Cunt and Fuck really loud at weekends as the song says 'its a way of life'.

11. Chunkle Chinkle the great prophet once said - 'Whoever mixes fire alarms and turpentine shall eat from the genitals of the fattened camel' - explain this phrase and would you eat a bus depot for a chance to be on 'The Antiques Roadshow'.

I think what he is trying to say that there is a lost episode of Londons Burning somewhere where that little Billy set fire to a room on purpose and set the alarms off so the rest of Bluewatch would crash open the door and catch him eating egg fried rice from the minge of Vanessa Feltz, its a fanatasy of his you see. No to the bus depot but I would eat a national express waiting room seat for a chance to punch Gordon Brown in the mouth and shout 'wanker' at him ... does that count???? 

12. Finally push the band mate - the merch, the songs the ethos?
 
Citizen Keyne old school punk with a modern edge check us out www.myspace.com/citizenkeyne and join the asylum it's all done in the best possible taste !
Check out 'Stand Proud' the album and the song which Dave called 'a classic' and you can still get copies of our 1st album 'Ungreat Britain' and t-shirts and badges from our page or e-mail us for a chat or any old bollocks at citizenkeynepunx@hotmail.co.uk check out gig lists and get down to see us, the first person to come up to me and say 'Thora Hird is my Bird' at a gig will get a free CD ..... HOWS THAT FOR FUCKING MARKETING ALAN FUCKFACE SUGAR !!!!!
Lastly fucking BIG BIG up for Dave for fighting hard to keep the scene going and for supporting CK all the way ........ cheers mate  

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