Asterix of



1.   Apocalypse Babies - drunken punky men - tell us more about the bands history, how you got involved and a bit about each member?

Oh dear this could be one long boring interview, there's been so many folks in and out the band, all of em characters, best check out the website to find out more about individuals, in fact you could check on there about the history it's a long story and one I cannot explain or justify here ha! There 's never been the same line up for very long, I'm the only permanent member, must have done something terrible in a past life?

2.   What have been the highs and lows of the AB's career so far?

The highs? Dunno, putting out a new record is always a high and of course some of the best gigs we've done over the years, just being in a band is a high, keeps me insane! The lows? The never ending bad luck we've had over the years, record labels folding on the eve of a release, our American tour folding at the last minute, members leaving on the eve of a tour, getting offers and not being able to take em cos of lack of personnel, the list goes on and on but hey, no use crying bout spilt ale, get another in! Onwards and backwards!

3.   Gilberto Vagina once balanced twelve pork and turkey sausages on the length of his nob for 12 seconds - a record that took him to the final of The International Sausage War.  Unfortunately Ray Plankton beat him into second place with his human sausage machine act.  Do you have any sausage based skills we should know about or any other food related talents?

No can't beat that, being in this band of fat fuckers 12 sausages wouldn't be around for 12 seconds! Like most gigging bands our diet consists mostly of Kebab, Kebab and Kebab! The most gross thing I ever witnessed was Jools tucking into a cold one one morning, ya know, when they've got all that white fat all over em? Also being the manly beasts we are there's always competition to see who can handle the hottest one, smearing the bastards with chilli sauce and tucking into the peppers and pretending not to cry! It 's always fun laughing at one of us begging to stop the van at the nearest service café, and watching em dash to the ladies room (for some reason we always do that?) we've cleared quite a few lavatories in our time yes! Although the funniest sausage based story would be an incident involving our last guitarist Nick, we had a bet on how many fiery hot pepperramies he could eat, he brought his own tobasco sauce to try to prove a point, don't think he spoke for a week after, which was a fucking relief to everyone ha!

4.   Tell us about AB's greatest releases to date and what one song epitomises what the band is all about?

These days it would probably be the title track of our last album 'The more you drink.. the better we sound'! As we seem to have descended further into alcoholism since Jools joined the band! Although probably the cover of Joan Jets 'Bad Reputation' would sum us up the best, as we seem to be the lepers of the punk scene in this country. I might write one called 'Banned from the Dressing Room' cos that's all we seem to hear when we arrive at gigs these days? I dunno what our greatest release would be, all our records have been favourably reviewed? None of which have made us millionaires though boo hoo!

5.   Given the chance to promote a gig of 6 bands who would it be, where and why?

Ramones, Motorhead, Thin Lizzy, Sex Pistols, AC/DC, Dead Kenendys, all at Rock City Nottm. Why? Cos er they're my fave bands? Rock City cos it's still my favourite venue of all the places we've ever played, it's set out so well, not too big and not too small, cosy like? You can get up close or hang back if you like, good vantage point from everywhere in the hall, yeah like it a lot! We set all the fire alarms off and have not been invited back!

6.   Mickey Minnow the fish man of Fulham once filled his testicular sac (scrotumus danglyus) with water and let several sticklebacks dwell there for six weeks in protest against a land fill site!  Unfortunately the water was diseased and Mr Minnow lost his entire genitalia?  Are sticklebacks so important - I for one think so?

Urm well on balance I'd say inflating your testicles with fish is probably a bad idea? In fact inserting animals of any kind into your body shouldn't ever be encouraged? Those poor gerbils! Although inserting yourself into animals can be fun so Jools says? He's always keen to play Wales Barh! In fact we've written a song on the subject!

7.   Tell us your heroes and zeroes in life and punk?

Hero's - no such thing, they'll always let you down, it's all in yer head, all the bands I like obviously apart from ya family perhaps? Oh yeah there's some proper zeroes in punk rock, a lot of the 'bigger' name' bands turn out to be a right pack of prima donna's! Refusing to say 'Wugh' to the camera, and trying to have us banned from backstage!  Ha we'll still nick ya beer YOU WILL NOT STOP US! Like we give a shit! Funny how ANL shit bricks when Nick offered em out ha! And such fun watching (can't say, I just don't have the heart to reveal who) tucking into a Apocalypse Babys spunk baguette! We told em all their guitars were shit!

8.   Asterix - what makes you tick - what bands influence you - tell us in 4 sentences about the myth? No myths all true!

Some bands talk about it, we do it! Wot makes me tick? Irish blood English heart I am made of! No bands particularly influence me, just rock n roll in general! Who wants 9-5 and pipe and slippers when you could have a discussion on immigration in the ladies bogs with a girl called Bernard pissing on your fingers, yeah I want sweat, lipstick, crumpled up telephone numbers and a bad reputation! They can have free a CD, Life's for living, as Monica says 'Get drunk and fuck'!

9.   I've seen the AB's several times and always enjoyed the show - interactive, fun and very punk?  Do you feel you get the recognition you deserve and what frustrates you about today's punk scene?

What fucks us off is has-been bands ripping off dedicated promoters and killing off the scene demanding stupid wages and then complaining how no one will put em on no more? 3rd division bands who released one e.p in 1983 on Riot sphincter records based in wankthorpe reforming and given a prestigious spot at Wasted to the bemusement of everyone? The fucking legions of Oi bands writing the same song over and over again! Yes we know you like a pint and attend the odd football match and are sooooo proud of being working class' NOW FUCKING TELL US SOMETHING NEW! And us? We exist outside the cliquey UK scene; we play to bonkers crowds in Italy/France/Belgium/Holland! You only get recognition if you can get a spot on the bigger events and if you don't you'll stay on the toilet circuit as we have for 15 years! Maybe we should split and reform in 5 years and we'd get to play Wasted ha!

10.  What are the plans for the future?  World domination, more releases, gigs etc?

Same as always, gig, record, release, gig, record, release, gig, record, release.

11.   Tim 'Punk4Life' Davies once had an affair with a Horse Chestnut tree?    His conkers became inflamed and his sexual branch fell victim to lichen encrustation.  I myself find trees attractive but restrain my desires. What is your fantasy tree and wood (get it) you ever divulge in forest frolics?

Well I have my eye on a conifer I planted the other year, but I'll have to wait till she's at least 16, it's kind of 'grooming' I suppose, but when the time is right I'll really give it to her. The wooden bitch! Plus these trees grow really quickly so I reckon she'll pass for 16 before too long and I can have my evil way with her! I think it's the way she sways in the breeze? But always remember protection, you gotta watch out for the wasps!

12.   Finally - give us a message to punks everywhere and why we should flock to see the AB's.

A message? 'Don't let the bastards grind ya mother! Yeah come to see AB's, ya never know Ciderman may appear and you lot at the front might get a free drink! (Actually kids, he fills the bottles with piss really ha!) And if he' s not around, you'll just have to make do with our punk rock racket, yeah we 're still here, 15 years on, forgotten but not gone! Cheers & beers!