1. Tell us about your musical career so far and how the band Roadkill were formed. Add on any interesting trivia about the band as well?

Well what can I say, pure punk from start to now! All the time it's a blast to play with them two! Well it started wiv me mam makin cup cakes... na me n Mccormick started sum SHITE band called Dead Teddies that went nowhere except the bin and we couldn't get hold of a drummer, absolutely desperate we tried out Stubs and he cud play! After a year searching we were on track! Then we were gettin pies in the canteen when this actual human flake said call it Roadkill! I had nuffin to do wiv the name funnily enuff, covered sum crakin fast food rockers n bita them weirdo's Casualties and from there started puttin lyrics and guitar riffs together. Built it to here!

2. Describe your local scene and what are your gripes and joys with the music and punters?

Music's just what we all want to hear, but we are sick of these bands churnin' up the same shit 'n' not bringing new stuff to the spotlight. Emo's need a good kick in the arse and punk needs to get back on your doorstep so that people know it ain't dead or even sleepin!

3. Jose Clitoroides 'the human plumbing machine' has had all his fingers removed in exchange for various sized wrenches. His penis is now a spanner and is rectum is a plunger holder. Is plumbing so important and do you enjoy throwing billiard balls at old people?

Ha Ha! PLUMBIN' IS SICK! Mario all the way, I rekon he should get the yellow pages out and get it all sorted! Old people should have the strength to throw em' back then its a fair game.

4. Best Roadkill gig to date - why, where, who was on the bill and general description?

Best gig by far was Flixton Footy Club although we all got booked! Flixton Footy Club was so good about 30 people couldn't get in it was so full! and we were banned afterwards for making people jump and enjoy the music they wanna listen to! Its not like they weren't buying any pints - they bought me 5 for fucks sake! Might be why I didnt play so good.

5. Your heroes and zeroes in life, music and the toilet?

Thats a tough un', defo Rocky and the Offspring. I look up to them both and wanna have eyebrows like em' especially Rocky! Toilet must be the place to be when your dying for a shit down er I mean sit down.

6. Any CD's in your collection you are embarrassed about and what is the best one CD you have ever listened to?

Well we've only got one! Recorded in the middle of Salford with bullets passing by ma's bum cheeks. Lucky I've still got two ears and a nose! Remember thinking once we'd done it this is class then one month later bein like HA! JUST NAAAAAA! what's that noise? Wait its us! My favourite CD ever is probably either I Get Wet by Andrew W.K or Thriller by Wacko Jacko himself .

7. Steve Scab aka Geeza Blowjob aka The Wild Man of Whiskey aka Ethel Austin Loiterer once swallowed a gym rope of 30ft in length. When passing the rope it became knotted in his lower bowel and remained there for several months. During this time Mr Scab joined a travel nuthouse of human conkers and made a decent living. True his skull was cracked on more than one occasion but you can't help admire the guys efforts at earning a crust. What childhood playground game do you have fond memories of ?

Conkers almost killed me once. 200 fell at once on my pea-like head. My fav game was rounders throwing that bat as hard as I could behind me taking out sum porker - wait - I WAS THE PORKER!

8. You are promoter for a day - where, when, who and how much in? Who would be on the guest list and who would be on the banned list?

Order of bands first to last- Andrew W.K, Real McKenzies,Dropkick Murphys, Millencolin, Offspring (with Roadkill members on stage).

9. What are your ambitions in Roadkill, in life and as a musician?

To get a fuckin decent album churned out! and get our performances sorted, on stage we look like a ton of Ahmeds shakin' after robbin' Quality Save for some cheese 'n' turkey butty's. I would'nt mind changin the band name but Roadkill has been the name for some time now and old habits die hard.

10. Describe your fellow band members in 4 degrading words each?

Stubs- poser, silent as a wham bar, mouldy, big fod
McCormick- BUM ON THE FUCKIN STREET!,

11. Francis La Ponse has a new perfume on sale - 'eau da la shitehawk' is made from compressed vultures and centipede urine. I like centipedes and vultures but love the scent - the smell of carrion and onions has a truly erotic essence. How do I overcome this conundrum and what aftershave do you recommend?

Only Fools And Horses Cologne! cos it stinks of some smoothy I once made with beans, coffee and gone off milk.

12. Promote Roadkill - encourage us to check out this new dynamic band, force us to part with our cash and buy your merchandise - lead us into becoming pure fans. Go at it man!

PUNK, PUNK AND MORE PUNK , ROCK, ROCK AND MORE ROCK! TO BE HONEST..... CRAIGS GOT NO COCK! CHECK US OUT AND SEE WHAT YOU THINK! If ya like us CONTACT US if ya don't FUCK OFF BACK TO LAZY TOWN!!

 

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