1. City Kids are making some good vibes at the moment - tell us about where it all began, discography etc.
Genito Urinary clinic, Cumberland infirmary back in 2005. Shagged the same pig and had chlamydia and a mutual appreciation of Radio Birdman in common. Done 10 gigs and recorded 5 songs.
2. Describe your fellow band members in 5 defrading words apiece?
Drunkard, primeval, neanderthal, irresponsible, pious. (applicable to all)!
3. The punk spirit - what does it mean to you?
Jack Daniels in tartan bondage kegs!
4. Simon Soap has recently been involved in a drugs bust which highlighted the fact that Mr Soap was snorting five blocks of Imperial Leather a day as well as smoking several packets of Palmolive. Are any of you Soap Heads or is Evo Stik the answer - please elaborate?
Guinness, Sneck lifter and whatever's in other peoples' fridges. Soap days are over.
5. Heroes and zeroes in life and music please?
Johnny Rotten....John Lydon....Hero to zero. Needs to find the way out of his own arse. Benny Hill....unashamed political incorrectness.
6. The high and low of the City Kids existence so far? Please name and shame any buggers who were responsible for these moments.
High would be gigs with 999. Low would be lack of venues serving Guinness. Never any good at remembering the names of incompetents.
7. A lot of music seems to cover the same old shit without saying anything different or challenging. Whats the main theme of your output and how do you challenge your audience?
Jon Savage would call em' "Little Englandisms". We likes to call it an unbiased overview of what is exactly wrong with our green unpleasant land. We've no answers but are willing to contribute to the problems!
8. Ben Scab has recently wrote a book called Porno Pie charts. Basically its a book of graphs dealing with all sorts of statistical vulgar nonsense? The graphs are breast shaped and the key is made up of various testicular shapes and penis imagery. Scab gets off on this and is trying to infect others with his chartist filth. I'm more of a bra chart man myself but was wondering if you have any graph fetishes you wish to get off your chest during this interview?
The "Beastiality is best" graph would be interesting...depending on your favourite beast of course.
9. Whats the ideal gig you could wish to play one - where and why?
A zoo....a marvellous selection of beasts!
10. If you could travel in time to any musical era which one would you pick for the City Kids to begin life in?
When did Take That come out?
11. My mate e-mailed me the other day and said 'I'll give you a ring later'. Bastard. I had him killed for this off-hand remark because it was shapist. How dare he offer me a ring when squares, rectangles and ovals are screaming out for equality. I knew he was ring-man when he kept promoting circle sexuality and round house politics. Its just not on and I couldn't take no more so he was removed from society just like those dastardly triangle lovers should be as well. Are shapes so mistreated and what issues with paralellograms do you think need addressing?
A friend of mine always threatens to "come round"...which apart from sounding like an unfinished sentence always seems to me to be elitist and err toward the extreme sphere of circlism. I didn't have him killed but he certainly ended up eating through a straw.
12. Finally - push the City Kids for all they are worth and encourage us to check em' out.
Hey come and see us you fellows and senoritas. We're really quite good. Wow.